Chaos is a whirlwind in the snow,
all I know a glitt'ring throw of
ice upon the wind,
madness in its beauty,
lit by fire to see it in,
and all upon the solid ground
which never moves, nor spins.
This text © 2006 John David Robinson, all rights reserved. Duplication prohibited without written consent.
I wrote this poem pretty recently, and for the time being, I'm going to let it stand on its own here. Please comment: criticism, likes and dislikes, general feelings or interpretations... I'd love any and all. After I have some (incentive, incentive) I'll update this post with some general illumination like the last one.
Also, a note on how I title my poems. A poem's title (or a photograph's, for that matter) is something like a boulder at the source of a river, directing the entire course of the work. If a wrong or inappropriate title is picked, it can redefine or totally ruin the work (from the perspective of the artist, at least). As a result, I only title a poem if its title is obvious, or if I find one that can give to the poem a character I like that it lacks without it. If nothing comes, the poem is titled after the first line (in parenthesis).
8 comments:
i like it overall. i'm not crazy about the madness line or the lit by fire line, i'm not sure they fit as well as the rest of it in terms of how you're using symbolism. i don't know if this is coming out right, but i feel like the symbolism is on a particular level with chaos=whirlwind thing and then you throw in the fire element without linking it in the same way. or maybe i'm just not getting it.
and in general i don't think i like using the word "beauty" to describe beauty. that may just be me, but i think there's a lots of different (and thus to me more appealing) ways of referencing beauty without using that word. it's too vague for me.
but i have to say i LOVE the last two lines. it closes PERFECTLY.
eh, it's been a while since i had to write anything about poetry (1999 to be exact) so i could probably do this better in person. you know where to find me if you want to hear more!
clock is ticking on your next post! and i'm ashamed of all the rest of your friends for not commenting. apparently my stunning intellect and mind-boggingly astute poetic analyzation have left everyone else too intimidated to even try.
and at the risk of overdoing it, i love those last two lines. this poem feels like a meal that ends at just the right time with just the right flavor on the tongue.
Dang. With comments like that, you may very well be right. ;)
Having been thoroughly taken to task for not commenting...you're right alissa, I find commenting on poetry at all to be pretty daunting, much less once someone's already posited opinions that have considerable merit.
Brief opinion: I like it. The madness and fire section throws me off the track of my expectations of flow, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a bad thing. And I have to disagree with the beauty comment; I think it serves to keep things nicely focused. In my very humble opinion.
Yay! Discussion!
I agree that it can be awkward to post comments about somebody's work, and particularly when your opinion seems to be contradicting someone else's. Thanks for the feedback, guys. =)
The picture I paint in this one, at least as I see it in my head, is (starting out with the obvious) one of a whirlwind of snow on a winter day. It -- "all I know" -- is thrown out there on the wind (by God, or else by nobody), which feels to me the same as life, most of the time. But then I remind myself that even my ability to see that chaos, and its beauty, is made mine by the light of the sun, and that seeming chaos is founded on and supported by very solid ground, which in fact does move and spin, in relation to the sun, but which paradoxically is held solidly in place by the One with whom we have to do.
I was aiming to illustrate visually the idea that life appears utterly chaotic, but is in fact built on something that can bear the load. Its gyrations are not unintentional. I didn't expect the reader to draw the analogy, however, though I could do that through a well-chosen title (Any suggestions?); my intent was really just to draw the picture I had in my head.
reading your explanation now, i think i would actually like the middle two lines much better if you said sun instead of fire. because the rest of the poem is tangible things symbolizing larger, abstract concepts, i think it would follow to actually name the sun if it's part of the picture and then let it be a symbol in the same way the whirlwind and the ground are symbols. also, then to my mind the madness line would have a little more umph because the line following it would be more concrete. the madness line could then be more like an exclamation about the picture instead of a vague interlude (which is how it feels to me now).
i'm willing to concede the beauty issue, it's my opinion.
obvi, i've been away. trying to catch up on all my favs =)
You know, Alissa, I think you have something there. The use of the word "fire" is a total break from the diction of the rest of the poem, and it really does weaken the line above it.
See? This is why I post my poems. I've updated my master copy to reflect the change.
I WIN!!! i LOVE this game! =)
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